Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
