I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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