Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
