in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
