we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I love you. Go after that dick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
