I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
