just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
