I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
