i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
