I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
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