Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
