i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
