you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize