I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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