Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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