Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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