his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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