Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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