I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
