I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
