Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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