I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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