Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
