I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
