went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
