i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
