he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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