i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
