Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
