I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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