Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
