Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
