Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
