I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
