apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
