this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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