I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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