Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
