I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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