dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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