This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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