Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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