This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
