I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
