It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
