just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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