If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
