So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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