On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
