Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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