I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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